Overwhelmed by possibility.

Hey folks. Just a quick update here today on how things have been going after my first few weeks in LA. After a whirlwind start, the whirlwind part seems to still be there but there just seems to be less productivity coming out. I've spent my days trying to get established in LA (including looking for a new place, seeing friends I haven't seen in a while, and taking workshops with casting directors/other actors). There's both a positive and negative side to this - the positive side is that I'm getting out and making connections and establishing roots in LA; the negative side is that there isn't a whole lot to show for it yet.

I know that this was going to be a paradigm shift for me, but I come from a world where I go to work every day, get a paycheck every couple weeks, and no matter what I do, everything kinda chugs along smoothly (more or less). Not so these days. I've had a little money come in from jobs here and there, but it's weird to be doing so much and have so little to show for it. Part of this is me freaking out, the other part is normal. Of course this is the way it's going to be - I'm making life happen on my own terms now, and if I party too hard during a weekend and spend half of the following Monday playing Overwatch and wishing the sun would leave me alone, then that's time that this dream slips a little away from me. If I go to a casting director workshop that requires a number of hours of preparation, that's time that I wouldn't be able to spend recording in my home booth to try and get gigs to get some money coming in. This is all a fantastic lesson in opportunity cost, which I never really got to learn past a textbook; at least not in such an impactful way.

Ironically enough, I feel like I've done more in the past day or so that I've sent back up in San Francisco than I did when I was down in LA. I have a quiet space to work, I'm held accountable by someone I love (thanks, Emy - you've reserved your spot in my future Oscar/Emmy/Daytime Emmy/Razzie acceptance speech), and I feel like I'm slowing down to take the time to actually learn some things, rather than throwing myself at a wall and chipping away bit by bit. As I stood in the shower thinking to myself this morning, I thought of it like trying to move a massive object by tugging on just one rope - as hard as I pull, I'm only going to gain a little ground. But I'm taking time now to stake more ropes into this behemoth, and when I start pulling, this monstrosity I call my dream will start moving by inches, not centimeters.

Ok, I know that doesn't sound hugely optimistic. But I'm trying to be a realist here - this is a difficult profession and overnight successes take years to make. I've got determination, I've got talent (according to some people), and I've got a hard work ethic.

Now, where did I put that Playstation controller...

Much love as always,